When I actually think about the amount of times I've had a breakdown when looking through social media, I realize how sensitive I am to the world around me. Literally ANYTHING can make me cry. I remember scrolling through "cute animals," on Pinterest one day and seeing the most majestic little pug and crying because of how cute it was and I don't even like pugs! The fact that as a millennial the internet has the ability to allow me to feel such emotion for an unknown reason is freaking incredible. Feelings can be manipulated so easily and i think it's really funny but seriously has taught me a thing or two about myself. And I think this is an absolutely wonderful tool for a generation of people who would rather not talk about their feelings anyways.
Now I think I can speak for everyone when I say Facebook is the best social media platform to use if you enjoy looking into the lives of people you don't really make an effort to really see because we're all too busy with our own lives. Don't get me wrong, sometimes FB is just the easiest way to reach out or connect to someone because of things like distance. The other day I woke up though at like 11:30 on a sunday and just laid in bed scrolling through and came across a friend who posts everyday to my friend Nate's wall. I clicked on his page and noticed my long time friend Brandi (who is a very close friend of his) had been posting on his wall a lot with small messages or even emojis where she expressed a feeling or thought she had about him. And the more I scrolled through his page the more I felt this feeling of sadness takeover and started to cry. I've been doing this thing when I notice a strong emotion takes over my present feeling of really reflecting on that emotion and finding the root of it. So immediately when I started crying and felt this sadness, I began to think about why I was even crying. Nate passed away at the beginning of 2016 in a head-on car collision and I thought I had enough time by now to feel okay when I thought about him because I only had good memories with him. But I remember the night my sister calling me real late and the change in tone she had when telling me a friend of mine died in a car accident. Shit really hit deep and I still think about all the people who are upset about losing such a beautiful soul. A couple weeks ago I was scrolling through his FB page and became overwhelmed with emotion and then tried to get to the root of my sadness and here's what I got.
Though Nate had been gone for a while and I could not remember the last time I had seen him, I cried because it was too late. It was too late to tell him how much of an impact he made on my life without even trying. I remember him representing such a bright soul among a high school full of people who believed their popularity and image was more important than genuine connections. But to me Nate represented free-spirited souls, confidence, humor, acceptance and strength and I didn't even realize it when he was here. Now that he's gone I think about how much I should've thanked him for being such a friendly being and opening the doors to a new world of people with a life much different from my own. He opened my eyes and without knowing put me in a world of the unfamiliar and I never had a chance to thank him for that. Today when I catch myself talking or thinking about someone I just reach out and let them know I thought of them and thank them for being a friend, but often I think about the person they are now and what led them to by that way. I will never have a chance to see what Nate would be like today and never did thank him for making such an impact on my perspective of the world.
I'm learning a lot about gratitude now and how to be more thankful for everything that I have when we have it. So now when I look back on my memories with Nate and how I'll never get another chance to see him again, I think about how much I wish I would've told my friends back then how much I appreciated everything they did for me even if it was just being a symbol for some greater lesson I'd learn. Today, I try to remind all of my friends and family when I think of them that I love them and am grateful for all they've done for me. That's the lesson I want to share with you guys; gratitude goes a long way. When I started being thankful for the life I was given, regardless of the bs around and in the past I began to realize how many great human beings there actually are. Being thankful has opened my eyes to the beautiful world we live in and taught me to never take the small, insignificant memories of the present for granted because I might not ever have another one like it.
Key points of this post:
- Be thankful for the little things and the people in your life. Good or bad. They're there to teach you somethings about other souls and we need that to connect.
- Don't take life for granted. If you don't live your life full of gratitude and love, there may come a time when it's to late to say or do the things you want.
- Reach out to people when you think of them. Who knows you might even make their day a little brighter when you step out of your own.
- LOVE LIFE
I don't know if I can say it enough, but really appreciate you guys reaching out to me and telling me how much you understand the things I talk about here. It makes my day to know there are people out there, who I may not really have talked to before, feel comfortable enough with me to be vulnerable and express their feelings that are similar. This really gives me hope and purpose. I will forever be grateful for you wonderful souls.
Peace and love,
Jaz
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