The Vicious Cycle

I just want to be clear and reiterate why I'm blogging. I'm blogging 70% for myself and 30% for the people. But the "30% for the people," part is not to be mistaken with someone who is here to please everyone. I choose to blog when I think of something worth talking about or when inspiration hits me to communicate my thoughts and feelings on different subject matter. I do it because some of the things I think but never say are worth having a conversation about. I also believe that by sharing and communicating my thoughts with you all gives me room for discussion on some subject matter I may not have enough knowledge on. So please.. If you don't agree with something I say or just don't think I came off saying the right thing, educate me. Don't feel hate towards me but rather reach out and make me aware of the things I'm not. I am a human. And just like you guys I am still learning a lot, so some of the things I talk about on here are not always going to have evidence to back it up, but are opinions on the subject matter. So speak up if my posts make you feel some type of way. I'm always open to listening.

Okay so I'm going to jump in to this post now...

So over the weekend my grandparents came to visit me. They haven't really had an opportunity to talk to me about stuff that I've been learning about since I've been in college, the things that have happened to me nor do they know about all the things I have done since I've been here. But we got to talk a bunch about a lot of political issues going on in the world today (If you watch my snapchat you probably already heard this story but I'm going to tell it again). I had to school my grandmother a bit when she brought up some gender equality issues that I was not having. We were talking about some of the things I enjoy doing now and I was telling her about how I do a lot of things on my own. Like I go hiking, kayaking, etc etc on my own sometimes and it just really helps me reflect and use that time for myself. When I told her that she responded with "OMG Jasmine! You don't need to be doing that. You need to use the buddy system. You need to always have a guy by your side with everything that is going on in the world right now." To which I responded with the flame. "Wth do you think women are out here fighting for equality for Grandma? To be treated equal. To prove that we can do things on our own. To be independent. How are we supposed to get closer to that if we're constantly living in fear that we cannot do things on our own? Or we think that we always need someone with us to feel safe?"

It's pretty scary that some females have it fixed in our brains that we can't go out in public without someone with us. Since we were young we are subconsciously trained to never go out alone to prevent the risk of harassment, embarrassment from being on your own, or to even accomplish some of the things that we could accomplish on our own. We are nurtured to fear being alone and this inevitably leads some women to believe they are meant to be dependent on a man to feel safe. Sometimes it even tricks us into believing that our happiness depends on whether or not we have a "man" around. So we do the most ridiculous things to attach ourselves to others and convince ourselves that being with them is our best option. Unfortunately, some men take advantage of the women who believe that. And it's a vicious cycle that keeps past ideologies of gender roles well in our brains and prevent us from making progress. We need to recognize it, in order to change.

We are expected to be treated as equals but still live in a world where gender roles are still in tact. Whether that be from older generations holding on to those ideologies or people falling back on these as default, they are still present. The whole political movement that is going on around feminist issues is incredibly moving and inspirational. Women are not only fighting for equality but they are taking a stand against the men who overpower them. And it's great start to change. I may not be a hardcore feminist that protests any chance she gets, but I am pro-female. Everyone should be okay with women who are fighting for justice.

Now I've never been one of those girls that has been scared to go out in public alone or do things on her own. Actually for most of my life, I've ONLY relied on myself to get everything done and have taught myself a lot of things because of it. It's not that I wouldn't very much enjoy a break from doing things on my own all the time, but the reality of the matter is I am my most reliable source. And I don't mind it. It's easier that way anyways. And tbh, the environment I grew up in left me no room to depend on someone else for my happiness. I always had to find that within myself to keep me going. But I am smart enough to know that not all women feel the same. Not all women can stand up and say no or verbalize the way something makes them feel in a way that men understand. Which is why there is such a blurred line between what women feel responsible for and what they shouldn't.

There is absolutely NO REASON for anyone to touch, handle or do anything to you without your consent ladies. That should be common sense to men now. But what men do not know is that whether or not women say no directly, there are some women who couldn't stop you if they wanted to. Some women were raised in a way that does not allow them to speak up for themselves and sometimes they don't even know how to do it. And in some circumstances, women won't say no not because they don't know how, but because they feel like even if they did... they couldn't stop you from doing what you're going to do anyways.They feel like control is out of their hands. Now that's not men's fault. It's not a man's job to assume that every girl they come across may want to say no even though they don't. But it is a man's job to ask before assuming either way. Whether or not you think that a female's actions give you the permission... just ask her if it's okay anyways. Making a strong assumption like that can get you guys into a lot of trouble today, so take a second to consider the other person's feelings. 

Now women. As far as this whole controversy goes I just want to give you a little advice from someone who has had to smack guys that have inappropriately touched. BE AWARE. Be aware of the situation you are in and know that this is something we are in the process of fixing right now... and that takes time. Women don't assume that EVERY guy you encounter is going to treat you nicely or understand why you may feel a certain way. Whether you are at work, out in public alone, on a date, or just hanging with a guy. Prepare yourself for the possibility that "nice guys," don't exist everywhere. Don't be so naive to think that you will be safe doing anything, but also don't live in fear that you can't do anything on your own. And don't assume that even though you didn't say anything a guy will know your thought process.  

Back to my original train of thought now. Kaileb and I had a conversation the other night about how this type of back in forth between men and women is what adds to this vicious cycle of men overpowering women and women feeling scared to do or say anything for themselves. Women sometimes think they can't do anything without a man so they surrender to whatever that means in a situation to avoid a fight they can't win and men take advantage of that. So the cycle continues. At some point both men and women have to take responsibility for what they could have done to prevent a situation from occurring. And that's not victim blaming... thats the truth. We both have a lot of work to do if we want anything to change. But men your work is far more frightening right now. So just prevent yourself from ever being in a situation where a girl MAY make allegations against you by asking before assuming in your favor. And women don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and let these dudes know that you are just as much in control of the situation as they are. Let them know that you can stand up for yourself and call the shots. 

At the end of the day, both parties can be a lot safer if we work on our communication. We need to communicate anything and everything with the people we are letting into our lives. Honestly, communication should be the most important thing you have with any person you ever encounter. The fact that women are fighting for justice and working to be taking seriously and not for granted is extremely powerful and we need to keep it in positive light. We as women should not take advantage of that power to talk about things or to put things out there that aren't true just because everyone is listening. And we need to subconsciously train ourselves out of living in fear that we can't do anything because we are women. Now it's not going to be easy to make this change, but trust the process. Trust that every time we talk about these things, the closer we get to equality, independence and overall safety. Communication is key. 

Peace and Love, 

Jaz