Spending christmas alone this year has given me a lot of time to really reflect and look at the holiday season from a different perspective. So as I sit here balling my eyes out because I'm sad and alone let me tell you a couple of the things that are going on in my mind.
2017 has been a pretty weird year for me altogether but this christmas season has got to be the weirdest for me. While most college students are going home, traveling, or just away from school celebrating these joyous times... I'm here in Gainesville... alone. Before having to make the executive decision to stay here due to insufficient funds and the need to work the day before and after Christmas, I didn't think about how hard it would be to be away from my family. I mean holidays are meant to be spent with your loved ones. Sometimes thats family, sometimes thats friends. Either way these days are meant for you to be surrounded by people who love and care for you the way you wished people were all year long. So yeah. It's pretty weird for me to be sitting here typing to you all as I sit in bed wretched. But let me tell you this time alone has not been completely despairing. I've thought about a couple things. While I'm here sad that I can't be with family or friends, someone out there is sad because their friend won't be coming home from the hospital today. Someone out there is crying because their family member was just killed by terrorists invading their country. Someone is sad because there the only family they have can't remember them. Someone is alone because they don't have family or friends. Now if any of you know me, you know how much I loathe comparing my situation to others because it's just not fair... but in this case I think comparing my situation to others brought me some sense of comfort. Although I do not think my sadness compares to any of the situations I just named, it gave me comfort knowing that I am not alone. These thoughts slapped me right in the face and reminded me to be grateful.
The thought of me being alone becomes a lot less depressing when I think about all the things I have to be grateful for. I have family. I have friends. And while I may not be spending time with anyone now, I get to look forward to seeing them later. I feel a little silly for letting this get to me the way it did but I'm glad it brought me into another light. Though I'm still crying because I miss people, I know that this is only temporary and as soon as I'm with people again I'll be sick of em and want to be alone. So ehh. I'll get over it. I think theres something to be said about the way I'm able to hurt, fall, and pick myself back up again that shows how strong I am. But I'm going to leave that for a whole other post to dive real deep into. But man has this time alone humbled me.
It's Christmas as I'm typing this and I guess I should mention that I haven't been completely alone. I actually spent some of my time with a complete stranger. As odd as it seems, some really swaggy chick that bought some shoes at the store I work at yesterday asked for my number to hang. She happens to be visiting her family and told me she's been spending a lot of time alone since she's been in Florida. She's sad too. Even though she's here to see her mother, she misses home. The place she knows and surrounds herself with her friends and what not. So spending time with a stranger has been good for me too. It reminds me that sometimes strangers can be the light to fill the voids. It also reminds me how cool and kind people you don't know can be. So it brings me a lot of hope for this whole positivity/love/connection thing I'm doing here with my blog. Which is pretty rad. Spending time with a stranger has been an experience for me but I definitely miss the fam.
I watched Coco a couple weeks ago. Oh em gee. If you have not seen it, GO WATCH IT NOW! I'm serious. It's a pixar film that will make you ball your little eyes out. Not only is the animation of the movie freaking spectacular, but the moral of the movie is so deep that alone will bring a tear to your eye. Not going to spoil the movie because I don't like spoilers but it's basically about family. Just go watch it yo. Pixar brought a lot of people together to research and bring this story to life and they deserve an award. 10 out of 10, I definitely recommend.
Okay y'all I think I'm gonna wrap this up. Ha. I feel a little bit better now after writing this and I hope you guys take something away from it. Love ya self. Love ya friends. Love ya family. But most importantly love life, because even in moments like this you are not alone and you can always learn something. Live, laugh, learn and humble ya self this chrimuh season.
Peace and love,
Jaz
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